In our last episode, overbearing, insensitive [Pluto in] Leo finally aroused the ire of patient and compassionate [Pluto in] Virgo.

Boomer: You’re mean! I’m going to claw you! Rraow!

Virgo: Yes, well, violence is the last resort of the weak. Why do you feel such violence is appropriate?

Boomer [sniveling like a child]: Because you don’t like me!!!!!

Virgo: [sigh.] I never said that. You just confuse the gifts you give with our relationship. They have nothing to do with each other. I like you – when you’re not being overbearing, insensitive, aggressive and pushy. You can’t make me like this crappy “gift” you want to give me. You don’t need to buy me.

This Week: Taming the Lion

Boomer [faking hurt, since he just got found out]: I’m not trying to buy you! But say, how come you never help me?

Virgo: You never ask.

Boomer: You should offer.

Virgo: Why?

Boomer: It’s the nice thing to do. It shows you care.

Virgo [exasperated]: And how am I to know when you want my help?

Boomer: That’s why you offer. To find out.

Virgo: Waste of time. If you need help, ask for it.

Boomer: I’m not gonna ask, you have to offer!

Virgo [slowly and patiently]: I guess I have to make this really plain. I’m not going to offer. That’s what you want me to do, but I’m not going to do something just because you want me to. If you’re not gonna ask, you’re not gonna get.

Boomer: I’ll never ask! I’ll never ask.

Virgo: Then you’re gonna have a long wait.

Leo: But I got you this!

Virgo: Which I didn’t ask you to get – get it?

Leo: ….Ummm…. . . . . . . no.

Virgo [repressed sigh]: We’re back where we started. First, you shower with me unasked-for gifts and you can’t figure why I refuse to be grateful. Then, you try to push your way ahead of me and do what I’m perfectly capable of doing for myself, and you still can’t figure out why I refuse to be grateful. Your gifts come with strings. You expect me to read your mind and randomly offer help when I think you want me to. I don’t do that. The problem is not that I’m ungrateful, the problem is that you don’t understand for what I will be grateful.

Leo scratches his head: oh…..well, how do I do that?

Virgo [trying not to yell but not succeeding]: You have to ask!

At this point, if the argument gets this far, someone usually hangs up or storms out. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re still reading.

Only Virgo Can Sooth the Savage Beast

Next: Libra Brings Harmony

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